The comforting self-pity zone!

Oh yes! I do that a lot.

Like we all know that life is all about ups and downs. And when we are down, like again, everyone says keep faith and be strong, to rise up again and shine! 

I personally, many times, unnecessarily, bring myself to the "down" phase of life very quickly. Why? It is simple because I take everything too seriously and personally in life (Not required at all). So when I am there (I mean in "down" phase), I would think of all the things that are not going smoothly/swiftly/rightly/ accordingly (how I expect it to) and all the more sulk about my life. Again, too dramatic, because if I (or anyone else) think about it, by god's grace,everything is really and absolutely fine in my life. But then this feeling of sulking and oh-my-god what is happening in my life and sulking more is so painfully comforting.

As "everyone" says success and happiness lies outside the comfort zone. Literally it is just so boring to sulk in life. Yes it gives you a break from the peppy life and the extra attention from your dear and loved ones but come on , really! But all the self pity, crying, blaming (people and God) and sulking is really not going to make the universe pity on you and change the world around you. So this moment when I realise that fairy god mother is not going to take her wand and do the magic, I take up the charge of being the fairy for myself and get myself (more than my life) back on track. 

The things that the typical me will do in such phases (and trust me it works) :

1 . Write down things and thoughts that are troubling me ( I know it is lame, but the fairy mission needs some focus) 

2. Talk to people ( more for advices on how to tackle the point 1 things listed down,  and also sometimes also to strike off some of the troubling things in point 1)

3. Dress-up ( I know too girly, but it does make you feel good about yourself)

4. Socialise (I usually don't like to talk to people during this phase but the idea is to come out of this phase) 

5. Retail therapy ( totally cliché ) 

6. Read books (to remain occupied)

7. Eat good food (difficult to explain but I feel happy eating good food)

8. Think of solutions for list in point 1 (yes this point should have come before the current point 2 but I need to personally feel a little better by doing things 2-7 to come to doing this point 8)

I hope it is not a crime to just have a random even number of things-I-do ! 

So ya basically, if you have been in your comfort zone of self pity for too long then, "Chalo Aaj kuch toofani karte hai!" On a more positive note - Happiness lies beneath our ego, fear, anger and insecurity (from Buddhist Boot Camp). And I am certain we all are living and doing things only to find happiness and be happy. Ending on a small poem to wish and hope each one us Rise and Shine, Always!

Life is too precious to be sad,

And too beautiful to be mad.

We are all souls equally wanting love,

And leave the world by being a dove.

Let us all rise above ourselves,

To change the world yourself.

"Not a Feel Good" feeling

My today's blog is about a very confusing and complicated feeling called "emotional insecurity".As defined by Wikipedia, "Emotional insecurity" is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving of oneself to be vulnerable in some way, or a sense of vulnerability or instability which threatens one's self-image or ego.

This feeling so common within everyone, yet no one really has the courage to accept this feeling. This is mainly because this feeling is considered a negative feeling. But is this really a negative feeling? Is feeling low about your own self a negative thing?I would like to rather call it as "not a feel good" feeling.

There are many reasons to why one feels that ways; A thought that as a person I lack things or inadequacy, constant comparison with others, feeling of less importance given, this is mine and not yours, frequent criticism and so on. This feeling in majority of the people is not self- grown, rather it is the actions of others for which this is the consequence an individual faces- "left with this feeling".I think it is one of the few feelings, that people tend to carry it throughout their life about themselves and about the person against whom they feel so. This feeling with time just grown in you rather than dying inside you, if not tackled in the early stages.It can break a person and shatter their confidence in themselves for ever.People also then tend to do things on purpose just to get everyone's sympathy or to make them feel good about themselves- this could be very dangerous.

 If you are the one suffering from it, then try to tackle this feeling at the earliest.You can diplomatically trying tell the other person not to say or do things (like criticism) so openly and at every point.If at all there is a comparison or criticism, then step back and come out of such an environment for good. Some times, comparison happens at home between siblings or friends, at that point make sure to tell that you do not appreciate such comparison and stop reacting to it(walking out of such conversations usually helps- No it is not rude, it is just called protecting yourself). Write down all the good things about yourself and that you have heard from others in a book, and read it every morning to realize that how special and a good human being you are. Do not try to copy others- it is not a feel good thing at all. Build on your own strengths. Everyone has a talent, small or big, talent is a talent. Even being a good listener is a talent. Typically, when a partner moves on with some one else this feeling comes too often but remember they loved you before and they loved you for what you were;they found someone, you will also find someone. I personally feel that a new environment and keep yourself busy with other things that you like usually helps to come out of such feelings. So you know what you have to do.

One thing as an individual I personally feel that we shouldn't really do things or say things that will make the other person ever feel this way. If at all we have ended up doing it(either in fun or otherwise), then make sure that we make up for it(if at all you realize it).There is always a difference between healthy and unhealthy comparison/criticism. Make sure when you do it, it better be in a healthy manner or else your words can impact a person in the way they see and feel about themselves.And, if you find someone who is going through such a feeling help them come out of this- show them what they are capable of and help them get back their confidence. Just help someone, and see how good it makes you feel (telling out of personal experience)

Don't let this feeling grow in you. The first step towards coming out of this is to accept this feeling, understand why you feel this way and make a strategy to come out of this. You are here for a reason, no one else can complete the reason other than you. People love you for what you are. Sometimes people get blinded and are not able to see the good qualities in others- forgive them anyways for their immaturity.Be happy with yourself, these people were not with you earlier and wont be with you when you die; Rather just live happy with yourself and be happy with yourself. And remember, people who truly and genuinely love you or respect you wont ever make you feel this way and therefore others who come in this category of people should not even matter. You are very special, and there are people who also believe that your presence is special to them. Cherish them and cherish yourself.

13 Ways to Remain Happy

Everyone gives their "Gyan" about how to stay happy and so with my 23 years of experience, I shall share  some of my "Gyan" on this topic too. Just for people who are wondering why is it an odd and a devil number 13, because it is my lucky number (no other logic or superstition involved).

1. Be true to yourself. Have and stand by your own opinion/feelings. You are not suppose to feel or agree to what others feel about anything. People who love you won't judge you for it and those who judge you, forgive them for doing so, because as you have your opinion they have theirs.
2. If you do not like something that someone else does or says, please tell them.
3. Communicate. NOT by text or emails or chatting but by Calling on the phone or by Meeting in person.Technology may be good but it has its own perils. Don't let the tradition affection of seeing or talking to each other die.
4. Do not over analyse what others have said as to Why he said? What he meant? What was his intention?. Take things at the face of it. Don't dig deeper with your thoughts.
5. Every relation has a downfall- Accept this fact, be patient and keep trying to get it on track.
6. Tackle your insecurities. People love you for what you are and people love others for what they are. There is no comparison. If there is a comparison, then step back and continue living your life happily.
7. Pen down your thoughts. Everything cannot be said, so write it down - It will help to bring your emotion down and you can also send it to the other person to let them know what you feel. (Point 2)
8. Cry it out. It is okay to cry. It makes you feel better.
9. Do what you like to distract yourself from your worries and to feel good by doing what you like.
10. Eat.Pray.Love. - Eat your favorite food (you can try cooking as a relief buster), Pray/ Meditate to organize your thoughts and feel some peace and Love yourself and others- You get nothing by hating anyone but by loving you at least stay in peace.
11. Stop cribbing. Once you feel that you are cribbing way too much. Please see the news to know the suffering in the world.You will be thankful and feel blessed
12. People and things in life are meant to keep you happy, if it is not keeping you happy either find a solution or move on.Shit happens. Everything happens for a reason.
13. There are people who are dying to see you happy and are happy because you are happy. So, Be Happy.

Happiness is contagious. xoxo.

Her Diary

Life is so simple yet in so many ways complicated. We humans are so complicated in the head that we end up complicating everything. We meet people, interact, have fun, like some, dislike some, fall for some, some fall for us, while all this looks happy and simple by the word of it, but yet these things are so complicated. Well, if things were so simple, life would not have been interesting. Having an interesting life and a simple life is an irony in itself.

My friend  Avantika, a sweet bubbly girl in nature and very likable, is going through a break-up. Now a days breakup isn't that big a deal but she is my friend, and her pain is my pain. She had a good long relation, the guy was decent too. He did not cheat on her nor did she cheat on him. But, just their differences became too big for them to handle. She is hurt that her relation is breaking and that she is not able to do anything to keep it together. I know she tried to, but sometimes the differences are so big that even the people involved do not have any control over them.

Pain and ego may be enemies to us but together their friendship is a disaster for us. When we get hurt by the people we love, there is a pain that we experience and that pain over the times nurtures our ego in such a way that  ego is then dependent on the pain. Lot of “experienced blessed souls” tell us that we should kill our ego, which is by all means true and I abide by it, but is killing your ego that easy?

Avantika, really loved Rahul (her boyfriend) and even he loved her dearly, but with these differences somewhere their power of love was losing. Again, when the “experienced blessed souls” tell us that love has the greatest power to overcome anything, did they really mean it or it just sounded right to say?

It is really sad that relations break and feelings become sour. When everything starts with like and love then why do they end up with anger and hatred. May be hatred is too big a word, I think they are just too painful souls who cannot carry their own pain and therefore find it easier to blame it on the other.

Avantika asks me many questions- “Why did this happen?” “Why did he do this?” “Why this can’t work?”...etc. These are just too many questions for which I am trying my best to give her positive and feel good answers, believing which she may feel better. I am playing my role of her friend and also praying that her questions get answered soon. The truth is some questions always just remain questions for a very long time, but eventually we do find the answers and or may be believe that this was the answer. Till then our life journey goes on, may be with an unfilled space in our mind and heart but still with the hope of finding the answer one day , it goes on.

We all are so caught up in different emotions that with time we bury them in ourselves. We do not realize that what situation or person or thing may bring up those emotions back on the surface and then we are again caught up in our unanswered questions and the never ending hope.

I am there with Avantika to support her throughout, to tell her all the kind and great words like “All will be ok” “It was meant to be” etc but deep down she and I both know that it is her battle that she will have to fight it, first with herself then with the world and I am just a soldier who would be supporting her till she wins the battle and even after.

45 Life Lessons, written by a 90 year old

The below write up I came across through Stumbleupon, thought I should share it.These are some simple and very honest life lessons. Better we learn from someone else than experience the other side and learn the lesson. It is written by Alex Kang.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift

Simple Living

This is just two weeks my stay here, but been more than a month for me for working at this location. Earlier we were staying in the capital of this state which is about two hours drive. Yes, trust me the travelling if you think of it is really tiring. But now that we have to live with it, we have to think of innovative ways to capitalise on this travelling; eg. Sleeping, music, talking, thinking, meditate, praying or self introspection.

Staying a smaller city  have its own disadvantages of no good companies, schools, restaurants, brand, people etc but the major advantage these places have is that it gives you ample of time for yourself, which the bigger cities just eat it up with travelling, lifestyle and socialising.

There is undoubtedly personality development in the young age by staying in bigger cities- makes you practical, sharpens your personality, broader outlook to life, better education etc ; but when we are all settled in life and grow older and wiser (hopefully), we all need time for ourselves and our family rather than sucking up to the lifestyle of a metro city.

I myself belong to a metro city that I admire, love and also take it for granted. While I am busy doing this, life take me to Jajpur (eastern India) for a long on-site project for one of the most admired companies of the world. This project for me is about being part of recreating history. The plant is spread across till my eyes can see and really it is a WOW feeling to see the construction of such a plant. (Well, I know I have a WOW story to tell my kids)

As it appears, the average people living here are below the lower middle class category of metro cities. But, there is no dearth of food here (FYI: Puchka a.k.a paani puri is just Rs1 per piece). We (three boys and me) are living in a guest house which is “brand new” along with a team of Chinese People with whom we converse in sign language. There are also some caring care takers and who seem more than happy to serve us. For our time away from work, the boys have got a football to play (I am always the goal keeper), cricket bat and ball (game rules don’t apply to me) and a pack of cards (I can decently manage to play well) since we have no malls or anything fancy to visit post work. We also managed to cook for ourselves pasta and garlic bread (metro city habits don’t go easily) along with the cook who was happy to taste and gives us valuable feedback. This place definitely started to give a home feeling away from home. I honestly, haven’t had such relaxed work days even at my home (thanks to the train travelling).

This project is giving me lot of time for myself personally, accountability and responsibility professionally and also the joy of simple things in life.

Fearful souls in an Independent City

As the twitter shows the trends in India #Delhi #Rape #Safetyforwomen. I mean really, are these the kind of things trending in our country?

Delhi, I think by now this city is synonym to “not safe for women”. And as the days are passing by the notion is just become stronger and proving the point. Crime like rape is very common these days in India, in all corners of the country but is the capital of the country setting an example to continue the crime or settling an example to stop this crime?

The recent incident of the girl being gang raped by the driver and other three people in a bus is probably for the country- an another rape (crime), for the city- another example of proving its own synonym, for the politicians- to raise questions and voice (but not do anything), for the legal system- yet another case in the lost list of pending cases for years (Mr. Kasab was hanged after two LONG year even after with nation being a witness to his crime), for the criminals- survival for few years because it would take forever to take a legal decision, for social networking sites- trending posts, for new channels- discussion topic ,for people like you and me- an incident which would instill fear for ourselves and for those we care about and for the girl- a scar for life.

There is nothing on this earth that any one of us can do anything for the girl to get back her confidence, her peace or her normal life back in place. The least that “our protectors” (police and the government) and “our decision makers” (the legal system) can do is 1. To give her justice to what happened ASAP 2. To instill fears in the criminals rather than citizens 3. To actually “protect” us by taking the “right decisions” for the people and not for themselves.

With expectations from others (police, government, legal system) comes the expectations from ourselves- let us not blind ourselves to what is happening around and take a stand (in literal sense) for someone (even if you do not know them). Just think once, if you were a victim, the first thing you expect is people around you would help so start by helping them instead of waiting for it to become a new flash or for yourself (god forbid) in such a situation. The behavior of standing or protecting for what is right selflessly comes from young age onward and one should start being more courageous to help others and those who are no more young should set example for their younger ones to stand up for others- against crime.

We may say that we live independently in a community but if the community has given you that independence it is time for you to give back to the community by just simply protecting it. Let the fear of what will happen to us be not more important that what will happen to the other person. Let us be more courageous and responsible citizen of the country where you live. Let us make this country a safer place for us to live.